Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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