i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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