do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
