Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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