I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
