Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
