i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
