Jerry, you need to find god
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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