hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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