i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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