If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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