ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
