your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My vagina is officially offended.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Randomize
