I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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