...so i touched it.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
His nipple licking is glorious
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