My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
