My liver just broke up with me...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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