What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
