He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
