I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
