Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
even my farts smell like vagina
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
