Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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