The best revenge is premature balding
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Dick very happy bro
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
