im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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