from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
