I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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