Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
