the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
