shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
