turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Can I color on your dick again?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
