He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
