the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
