you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
