You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
