is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
