somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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