Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
