Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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