Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
