I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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