well you can't waste a boner
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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