considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
