Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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