Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
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