so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
In America we eat man semen.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
