party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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