Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
