Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
