So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I hope mine doesn't look like that
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
