That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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