Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
