She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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