You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
