Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
