Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
